Thursday, 24 July 2014
Percy the Mechanical Genius
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Swimming Pools.
A friend asked why there were those irritating
knobbles on the tiles at the edge of swimming
pools and complained that they left indents on
her bum when she sat on the edge. "Why are
they there?" she wailed. "So that a blind man
can tell where you've been" I replied. A lot of
my friends drift away, I blame swimming
pools.
knobbles on the tiles at the edge of swimming
pools and complained that they left indents on
her bum when she sat on the edge. "Why are
they there?" she wailed. "So that a blind man
can tell where you've been" I replied. A lot of
my friends drift away, I blame swimming
pools.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Tuesday, 22 July 2014
Well, reading this passed the time nicely didn't it? Yes I realise that the time would have passed anyway if you hadn't been reading it but when you think about it man invented clocks so time is artificial and if we stopped them all we could live forever..I've just invented a world full of old people and a shortage of parking spaces. Why isn't there a mechanism to deter dreamers like me?
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
A knock at the door was never good news in the valley, either for the person inside the house or very often for the person who knocked. You might get Cuthbert answering just as he was preparing a corpse and he had accidentally embalmed his lips so that his expression had an otherworldly quality to it or it may be Percy who had a nasty habit of stirring his tea with a Biro and then sucking the pen whilst deep in thought. This resulted in blue lips which contrasted horribly with the red hair showing from under his cap.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Since joining Thorstruck Press I need to check the new book links because the covers and ISBN's have all changed. If anyone can spare £1.80 to download one of my books onto a kindle or computer it would be a great help.
Laughter guaranteed or giggles refunded (try getting those into a jiffy-bag).
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KW47UL6 Shakespeare's Cuthbert.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KVLFGV6 How Mean is my Valley.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KVOT7KO Tee for Two in the Valley
THANK YOU.
Laughter guaranteed or giggles refunded (try getting those into a jiffy-bag).
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KW47UL6 Shakespeare's Cuthbert.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KVLFGV6 How Mean is my Valley.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KVOT7KO Tee for Two in the Valley
THANK YOU.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Glyn Sexton posted this on twitter as an entry to No1 pun.
I bow to the master.
Had lunch with the Pythons and was surprised when they
insisted I ate all my greens. I didn't expect some kind of
spinach imposition. #1PUN
I bow to the master.
Had lunch with the Pythons and was surprised when they
insisted I ate all my greens. I didn't expect some kind of
spinach imposition. #1PUN
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
When people ask me how I manage to keep a woman like the redhead I always reply "I don't know but when I find out I'll stop doing it." One of these days she will hear me. But seriously, you need to instill the Disney effect in your woman, make sure that she is immaculately turned out and has bluebirds twittering around her head at all times. Even better, if you have access to chloroform ask her to role play as sleeping beauty.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Monday, 21 July 2014
The Lost Blogs
I was worried about not being seen on the internet so I just checked under the desk..all my tweets and blogs were lying there, they have have been falling on the floor. It reminded me of the old days when we had to clear the bodies from the back of the TV to make it work again.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KW47UL6
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
The second comedy in the Cuthbert series features a lady with long red hair who terrorises the district on a mobility scooter, this is Aunt Liza and before you become all politically correct on me she is based on my wife who has in turn been described as 'Basil Brush on speed.' I have been asked whether I was nervous about making fun of a redhead in this way. All I can say is "Absolutely not, but I type a damned sight faster if I think she's around (gulp).
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KVLFGV6
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KVLFGV6
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
When word leaked out about a set of unknown works by William Shakespeare being hidden in the valley the world suddenly paid attention. Several people came to search and they almost paid with their sanity but as they settled in amongst the locals the edges became blurred and sanity wasn't all that easy to define. Cuthbert himself seemed to be a barrier against all reason and then we are introduced to Percy!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KW47UL6
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KW47UL6
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
CUTHBERT SERIES VIDEO TRAILERS
http://animoto.com/play/nd4EvnX6XLMXL4A9wcvnKA#
Above is the link to our video trailer which is advertising the first three books in the Cuthbert series, all with their own themes. Watch this space please for further advertising videos and news of the release of the fourth book in the series: CUTHBERT DEATH VALLEY
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
I may be doing a public reading soon, the redhead is insisting that I read out our wedding vows
and explain to the public what really happened. :(
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
This is my Amazon review for Paul Rudd's Sharc. 5-star.
This book has everything required for a rivetting read. The surreal concept of a gigantic floating city interlaced with the dread and menace of 'Jaws'. This author is at his best when describing the turbulence of a shark attack and the chaos surrounding the human responses. A very visual read and it would easily convert to the screen. Thoroughly recommended.
This book has everything required for a rivetting read. The surreal concept of a gigantic floating city interlaced with the dread and menace of 'Jaws'. This author is at his best when describing the turbulence of a shark attack and the chaos surrounding the human responses. A very visual read and it would easily convert to the screen. Thoroughly recommended.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
This is my Amazon review for Jabin by Bev Allen. 5-stars.
I have always been an avid reader but 'Young adult' was something I read with my children. I find my perceptions challenged with this book because Bev Allen proves that there is a fine line between young adult and thoroughly engrossed adult. The futuristic vision here is so authentic, religion has moved into space to recreate the Boer treks and the early American settlers in their ambitions for religious freedoms whether right or wrong and of course politics are created to give the work-shy something to do. Amongst all this incredibly authentic scenario is Jabin, brilliantly summed up in other people's opinion as " Being better off somewhere else" and shunted off to another distant relative even though he can never understand what he did wrong. This is authentic to a fault. A great character is introduced when we reach an underground installation where Hoodle is charged with firing up the boilers which, in his isolation he has given characteristics of their own. I cannot recommend this book highly enough, it may as well have a velcro cover..you cannot put it down.
I have always been an avid reader but 'Young adult' was something I read with my children. I find my perceptions challenged with this book because Bev Allen proves that there is a fine line between young adult and thoroughly engrossed adult. The futuristic vision here is so authentic, religion has moved into space to recreate the Boer treks and the early American settlers in their ambitions for religious freedoms whether right or wrong and of course politics are created to give the work-shy something to do. Amongst all this incredibly authentic scenario is Jabin, brilliantly summed up in other people's opinion as " Being better off somewhere else" and shunted off to another distant relative even though he can never understand what he did wrong. This is authentic to a fault. A great character is introduced when we reach an underground installation where Hoodle is charged with firing up the boilers which, in his isolation he has given characteristics of their own. I cannot recommend this book highly enough, it may as well have a velcro cover..you cannot put it down.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
This is my Amazon review for Offshore by Lucy Pepperdine. 5-stars
I'll be in trouble for this but my first thought was 'can an author named Lucy really write about maintenance crews on an oil rig? Well, after yet another slice of humble pie from the cafetaria of life it has to be said 'yes she can.' This is a gripping novel and I defy anyone to put it down as the pace picks up. The authenticity of the details shows that an incredibly forensic approach to detail was used and this has paid off handsomely. The clever tie-in to Jack the Ripper is a nice touch and the writing is so visual that a film should be the automatic next step. Highly recommended.
I'll be in trouble for this but my first thought was 'can an author named Lucy really write about maintenance crews on an oil rig? Well, after yet another slice of humble pie from the cafetaria of life it has to be said 'yes she can.' This is a gripping novel and I defy anyone to put it down as the pace picks up. The authenticity of the details shows that an incredibly forensic approach to detail was used and this has paid off handsomely. The clever tie-in to Jack the Ripper is a nice touch and the writing is so visual that a film should be the automatic next step. Highly recommended.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Sunday, 20 July 2014
The commander of the attacking forces gaped at his men as they stood outside the walls of Troy. Throwing down his helmet in disgust he yelled "I don't believe it, all you had to do was leave a copy of Shakespeare's Cuthbert on each watchtower and we would have sneaked in whilst they laughed themselves silly." He picked up a copy recently thrown back over the wall, "This isn't even a translation, it's all Greek to them!" Putting his helmet back on with a resigned sigh he said "Alright, I give in. Start building that stupid great horse."
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Saturday, 19 July 2014
Cuthbert and the other characters from the valley are an amalgamation of people I have met or observed throughout life. Cuthbert is the self concious, never cause a ripple type of guy whereas Ronald is the 'Been everywhere, killed everyone but can't prove it because it's a secret' kind of guy. Percy? well Percy is the annoying little twerp who always has the last word and if he hasn't achieved it you can bet that one of his ancestors has. This is the valley where people forget to leave and eccentricities become normal and normal is viewed with real suspicion.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
http://beauty-in-ruins.blogspot.co.uk/2014/07/interview-with-patrick-barrett-author.html?showComment=1405762821459#c1560008263984439058
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Friday, 18 July 2014
CUTHBERT SERIES
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
The Twitter Prayer
"Man has but a short time to live and only 140 characters to apologise with."
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Working Comedy Into a Book
Writing comedy is not always easy, just because I find something funny doesn't mean that everyone else will. Then it has to fit into the book matching the plot and being relevant to the characters. Cuthbert is a man so irrelevant to life that his reflection doesn't always show up in time for a shave. Percy has invented a role for himself as a 'Gardener, man and boy' and if ever asked an embarrassing question about his whereabouts answers "Gardening." Ronald, one of the many visitors to the valley who simply forgot to leave was a mercenary who never seemed to run out of paper targets but was always sending for new assistants. His brother Henry had been a war correspondent responsible for many scoops, mostly because his brother had either seen the incident, been part of the incident or actually caused the incident. But of course you still haven't met the valley mafia or the other residents of the valley yet have you?
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Being married to a redhead is quite an experience too. My wife inspired the character of 'Aunt Liza' and her cartoon character is on the cover of 'Cuthbert-How Mean is my Valley.' Anyone reading the book will soon begin looking over their shoulder for redheads. They creep up VERY quietly.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Thursday, 17 July 2014
Oh Lord I would like to thank you for entering me in the lottery of life...whaddya mean I've won a redhead?
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
The Cuthbert comedy series has three books published so far by Thorstruck Press.
The first is Shakespeare's Cuthbert http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KW47UL6
The second is How Mean is my Valley http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KVLFGV6
The third is Tee for Two in the Valley http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KVOT7KO
The fourth in the series Cuthbert Death Valley is being edited ready for release.They can be read in sequence or as stand alone comedies but it is better to meet the characters first and watch the eccentricities develop.
The first is Shakespeare's Cuthbert http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KW47UL6
The second is How Mean is my Valley http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KVLFGV6
The third is Tee for Two in the Valley http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KVOT7KO
The fourth in the series Cuthbert Death Valley is being edited ready for release.They can be read in sequence or as stand alone comedies but it is better to meet the characters first and watch the eccentricities develop.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE!!!
Just to let you all know that Cuthbert and gang live on. Thorstruck Press is our new publisher and each of the covers is now brighter and bolder than ever before.
If you are a follower of the Cuthbert series, you will recall that each comedy book has its own theme but each contains the same crazy, larger than life characters from the past.
Although the books are part of a series, each can be read as a stand-alone comedy book, so you could just choose which book you want to read depending on the theme. For example, Tee for Two in the Valley has a golfing theme.
Three books - Shakespeare's Cuthbert, Cuthbert How Mean is my Valley, Cuthbert Tee for Two in the Valley are all available in kindle format and the new release of paperbacks will happen soon.
We are awaiting the publication of the fourth book in the series - Cuthbert Death Valley.
Best wishes from Patrick (author), Paula (editor/wife), Cuthbert and gang
If you are a follower of the Cuthbert series, you will recall that each comedy book has its own theme but each contains the same crazy, larger than life characters from the past.
Although the books are part of a series, each can be read as a stand-alone comedy book, so you could just choose which book you want to read depending on the theme. For example, Tee for Two in the Valley has a golfing theme.
Three books - Shakespeare's Cuthbert, Cuthbert How Mean is my Valley, Cuthbert Tee for Two in the Valley are all available in kindle format and the new release of paperbacks will happen soon.
We are awaiting the publication of the fourth book in the series - Cuthbert Death Valley.
Best wishes from Patrick (author), Paula (editor/wife), Cuthbert and gang
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Thursday, 15 September 2011
Sales in the U.S.A.
Our publisher, Thorstruck Press has begun a promo event for us and we have sold seventeen books in America so far today.
They'll be reading in Boston
Pittsburgh P.A.
outside of the White House
and San Francisco Bay
Way down to Saint Louis
and down in New Orleans
they'll be reading Cuthbert
amongst the evergreens.
They'll be reading in Boston
Pittsburgh P.A.
outside of the White House
and San Francisco Bay
Way down to Saint Louis
and down in New Orleans
they'll be reading Cuthbert
amongst the evergreens.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Guaranteed cheap laughs.
Shakespeare's Cuthbert has been reduced to 0.86p as an introductory offer for 65,000 words. Toilet paper costs more than this !!!!!
Have some introductory cheap laughs on me folks.
Have some introductory cheap laughs on me folks.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Monday, 12 September 2011
Cuthbert
Cuthbert is a man so timid that his reflection doesn't always bother to show up. His lives in a maelstrom of problems caused by outsiders and he is forced to navigate these situations without any skills at all.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
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