A visitor to my door asked "Have you seen
the light?" Being a bit grumpy I replied "For
goodness sake man If you've lost something
put posters on lamp-posts like everyone
else."
Monday, 6 October 2014
Visitor.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Friday, 3 October 2014
Bicycles.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Thursday, 2 October 2014
Christianity
Christianity only spread slowly due to
idleness, if people had re-tweeted the
process would have gone viral.
idleness, if people had re-tweeted the
process would have gone viral.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Tuesday, 30 September 2014
Life's crossroad.
When you come to a crossroad in life, don't take out the map or consult the Sat-Nav simply turn to the nearest redhead and ask where to go. The answer is usually "I've told you twice you silly old fool." But don't forget, what doesn't kill us makes us bury emergency funds in the garden for future archaeologists to find.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Monday, 29 September 2014
Death Valley.
Death Valley is now on Amazon and it is the fourth in the Cuthbert series. An inspection of Cuthbert's graveyard causes him to check his burial records only to find that he had BURIED them instead of one of the bodies. New characters appear and some disappear, between the living and the dead nobody is sure where anybody is but it doesn't stop them looking in all the wrong places. An unexpected offer of help comes from a rival undertaker who seems to be rather cosy with the valley mafia which is like trying to trick the Devil out of his inheritance. Once again the inhabitants of the valley ride forth only to come in fifth.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Qualifications.
After visiting a highly qualified friend I decided to put MY degrees on the wall. The thermometer looks great.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Sunday, 28 September 2014
Wedding Certificate.
Started shredding my wedding certificate to use as confetti for my next attempt at marriage.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Saturday, 27 September 2014
History of Daggers.
I read a book on the history of daggers yesterday but I remain sceptical. It's just a load of old knives tales.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Architecture.
Did you realise that Greek cathedrals are supported by columns and patriarchs?
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Thursday, 25 September 2014
My time.
My time is so valuable that I even charge myself for looking in a mirror.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Monday, 22 September 2014
The Cuthbert Series.
The whole idea of the Cuthbert series is to make you laugh, we all meet some strange characters in our lives and the one's I have met are the basis for these books.
Cuthbert is the grey man, nobody notices him and if he stood near to the bodies he would be the first one to be buried.
Percy is a master of invention, usually of his own skills and qualifications and according to him his ancestors have saved all our ancestors from some pretty bad scrapes.
Then there are the strangers who move into the valley only to be absorbed into this strangely calm place where the ridiculous becomes the completely normal.
Cuthbert is the grey man, nobody notices him and if he stood near to the bodies he would be the first one to be buried.
Percy is a master of invention, usually of his own skills and qualifications and according to him his ancestors have saved all our ancestors from some pretty bad scrapes.
Then there are the strangers who move into the valley only to be absorbed into this strangely calm place where the ridiculous becomes the completely normal.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Sunday, 21 September 2014
Spoilt wife.
I really spoil my wife, I even shave her husband every day.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Saturday, 20 September 2014
And more snakes.
Actually if I adder snake I would wear a feather boa to protect my neck and hope that no-one grasses me up before Cameron calls a meeting of Cobra. I daren't tell the redhead because it would rattler.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Snakes Alive!
So, I was asked what I would do if a snake
was loose in MY house. "Never happen" I
replied, " It would see the 'Beware Redhead'
sign on the gate and know it was outgunned.
was loose in MY house. "Never happen" I
replied, " It would see the 'Beware Redhead'
sign on the gate and know it was outgunned.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Boa.
My Boa-Constrictor is missing but the new scarf the redhead bought me is lovely.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Thursday, 18 September 2014
Demands.
That's it folks, I have put my foot down and demanded that the redhead allows me an opinion. After long negotiations I have been allowed to express my views on the 32nd of every month. VICTORY!!...errr, hang on a minute..
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Thinking.
I have to think outside the box because it's always full of polystyrene packaging chips.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Wednesday, 17 September 2014
Facebook.
Keeping up with technology is hard. When I joined my kids pages and they said "WTF Dad?" I thought it meant 'Welcome To Facebook.'
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Richard III.
The battlefield injuries of Richard III have been analysed and it has been decide that he is in fact dead. If only he had shared his copy of Shakespeare's Cuthbert he may have survived the battle.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Monday, 15 September 2014
Ring-tone.
I tried to set a ring-tone on my new smart phone but when it saw the size of my contacts list all I get is a sniggering sound.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Sunday, 14 September 2014
Rocky.
Why is it that every time the redhead enters the room I hear the theme from Rocky?
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Saturday, 13 September 2014
The Navy.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Moths
Had a giant winged creature in the house today, I think it was a Red Baron moth. Imagine the mess if it had been a Sopwith Camel.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Lovers.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Friday, 12 September 2014
Scary Birds.
I'm terrified of those giant sticky birds, you know the ones..velcrows.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Small World
It's a small world isn't it? I no sooner got my ducks in a row and I had an e-mail from Elmer Fudd.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Thursday, 11 September 2014
My Interview for Elaina's Blogspot.
This is the link for my interview on Elaina Davison's Blogspot. Anyone who wants to read about me or the origins of Cuthbert will find it all here.
http://elainajdavidson.blogspot.com/2014/09/writers-wednesday-having-laugh-with.html
http://elainajdavidson.blogspot.com/2014/09/writers-wednesday-having-laugh-with.html
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Tuesday, 9 September 2014
FBI wanted list.
I don't understand the FBI's ten most wanted list. Why don't they just keep them when they come in for the photo?
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Car Theft.
Apparently car theft is at a twenty year low. It seems to be harder to steal one when there's a family living in it.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Keeping a redhead.
A guy asked me how I managed to keep a redhead much younger than me so I showed him the tablets I put in her Horlicks. It's not rocket science chaps!
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Monday, 8 September 2014
Redheaded Vampire.
I saw a fleeting shadow
I heard a victim shout
I thought it was a vampire because the lights were out.
I felt a breath upon my neck
My hackles began to rise
Damn that sneaky redhead, she took me by surprise.
I heard a victim shout
I thought it was a vampire because the lights were out.
I felt a breath upon my neck
My hackles began to rise
Damn that sneaky redhead, she took me by surprise.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Sunday, 7 September 2014
Scotland
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Sigmund Freud.
I've been trying to follow Sigmund Freud on twitter but he keeps turning me down. This is either reverse psychology or he prefers Junger followers.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Red Arrows
Booked the Red Arrows for the redhead's birthday but they didn't show up, so I threw a handfull of darts across the garden and made a whooshing noise. Now I'm being prosecuted for cruelty towards next door's dog.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Saturday, 6 September 2014
The redhead's birthday.
The redhead asked me if I had anything in mind for today as
it is her birthday. I mentioned a spa day with a sauna, visit to
a nail bar, trip to the hairdressers and a nice meal.She hasn't
seen the results yet, she's still returning my library books.
it is her birthday. I mentioned a spa day with a sauna, visit to
a nail bar, trip to the hairdressers and a nice meal.She hasn't
seen the results yet, she's still returning my library books.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Friday, 5 September 2014
The Redhead's Birthday.
Well, it's the redhead's birthday again tomorrow and apparently she expects a present again even though she had one last year. It's not easy, boxes of broken biscuits are getting hard to find these days and charity shop staff stare at me when I buy a dress,what's a guy to do eh?
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Wednesday, 3 September 2014
Cattle-prod.
Been trying to hide the redhead's cattle-prod. I'm sure she has a tracking device in the handle.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Tuesday, 2 September 2014
Teenagers.
Ever wondered how teenagers always know when money is being counted? Look closely at the ear shape, from a certain angle it looks like a £ sign.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Monday, 1 September 2014
Catholic hymn
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Sunday, 31 August 2014
The Russian problem.
Is the Russian problem real or is Vladimir putin on an act?
He is definitely one of those people wanting to put their
marx on history but is he Stalin-g for time before he Mos-
cow-tows to NATO? Whatever the result Vlad, five Tsars for
trying.
He is definitely one of those people wanting to put their
marx on history but is he Stalin-g for time before he Mos-
cow-tows to NATO? Whatever the result Vlad, five Tsars for
trying.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Saturday, 30 August 2014
Wind Turbine.
I had to yell at the local kids for climbing the wind turbine and hanging my shirts from the blades. "But mister" they said "the redhead told us it was a rotary drier."
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Wind-farm.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
5-star Review for Shakespeare's Cuthbert.
As a previous reviewer has observed, Patrick Barrett writes like Tom Sharpe “without the bad
language”. Personally, I’d be happy to write like Tom Sharpe using any kind of language, and I
fully endorse that reviewer’s opinion. This is a refreshingly clean farce, combining all those
essential ingredients: a plot told at breakneck speed, a myriad of highly improbable situations, a
motley cast of engaging characters, and a huge sigh of relief when the curtain comes down.
Thoroughly recommended. This is the most pleasurable read I’ve had in ages. And just look at all
those 4- and 5-star reviews!
language”. Personally, I’d be happy to write like Tom Sharpe using any kind of language, and I
fully endorse that reviewer’s opinion. This is a refreshingly clean farce, combining all those
essential ingredients: a plot told at breakneck speed, a myriad of highly improbable situations, a
motley cast of engaging characters, and a huge sigh of relief when the curtain comes down.
Thoroughly recommended. This is the most pleasurable read I’ve had in ages. And just look at all
those 4- and 5-star reviews!
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Friday, 29 August 2014
Free Coffee.
I was considering giving free coffee with each of my books but it stains the pages.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Wednesday, 27 August 2014
Beechams Powders
Use Beechams Powders as a pretend illicit substance and then sell them to the cops to cure the headache you've caused.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Regional accents.
Do you realise that I thoughtfully make all my posts in the regional accent of my readers? Just read this one out aloud and you'll hear it.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Watching the Redhead.
I watched the redhead doing something really strange today but then I thought of some of the other things I had watched her do and it wasn't that strange after all.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Tuesday, 26 August 2014
Mercedes Benz
Oh Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz
My friends all have bikes so I must start a trend
Worked hard all my lifetime
With my redhead as my friend
Oh Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz.
My friends all have bikes so I must start a trend
Worked hard all my lifetime
With my redhead as my friend
Oh Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Maxed-out.
I had a great idea, I named my dog 'Maxed-out' and shambled through the city unshaven shouting "Maxed-out" so that people would take pity and give me money. They'll arrest you for anything these days won't they?
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
Tesco delivery
I think Tesco have gone all religious on us. The delivery today showed they had run out of plums and substituted the grapes of wrath. I'd better not let the redhead bite into the Adam's apples.
I am an ex-miner who has written the CUTHBERT SERIES of comedy books. I am hoping to provide my readers with escapism from the stresses and strains of everyday life and involve them in a timeless fictional Valley with larger than life characters which are developed throughout the books. Each book has its own theme and they can be read as part of the series or as stand-alone books.
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