Life certainly changed whilst I was away.  Take games as an example,they now have lady Bishop chess sets and the Castles must  be  fit...

Written on a lavatory wall,"My mother made me a monster." Underneath in different handwriting,"If I send her the wool can sh...

Isn't it embarrassing when you can't tick the privacy box because you don't have any secrets?

Is a portent a premonition that the camping gear you bought will leak?

The Cuthbert series has a new publisher, we are now with Wild Wolf Publishing and there are seven books with the eighth being edited right n...

Superheroes are so much different now. We had the Lone Ranger and the redhead is the Flower-Arranger. Who knew I would be allergic to stems ...

A friend returned a set of bolt-croppers he had borrowed. I nearly had a fit when I opened the door, I thought the redhead had sent for the ...

Shakespeare's Cuthbert, the first in my comedy series is now out on audio book. Plug yourself in and laugh away. http://www.audible.co....

Are craters on the moon a sign of a-steroid abuse?

Apparently the police won't be allowed to carry Tazers in some areas. Will this result in a charge of 'Assault Without Battery'?

BEWARE THE SIGN MAKERS. They send us to fencing departments were there are no  swords. They offer plant hire and surround us with tract...

"Great Scott man, is that book on the Arctic ready yet?" "This chap Darwin, if it's only a theory can't he sort it...

I don't care if you live in a Bleak House, where the Dickens is the manuscript?" "Are you kidding Mantel, the Wolf Hallf-ate...

"Fleming hell Ian, you're late again. Just write the book, don't Bond with the character." "I want that fable on m...

Well, this was embarrassing, a chap came today to service the dishwasher. He weighed me, took my temperature and checked my pulse. The hand-...

I thought this was hilarious, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3z841UJiVk

Sorry to burst the bubble of a myth but unicorns died out after one of them said, "You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours....

At school I was voted the 'least likely to succeed' and yet I love trail mix. http://mybook.to/CuthbertSledgehammerToCrackANut

I bought a selfie-stick but didn't read the instructions. Anyone know a good ointment? http://mybook.to/CuthbertSledgehammerToCrackANu...

It occurs to me that humans are stupid, if we built our floors higher up we wouldn't have to bend so far to pick something up.

The redhead is getting sarcastic, when I pointed out that as her husband, carer and advisor in all the things she doesn't already know s...

Hah! just had a message from someone who missed his  train  stop because he was reading 'Sledgehammer to Crack  a Nut'. Late for...

The redhead is ill and so I am looking after myself. It was amazing, she managed to stand behind me for long enough to steal the recipe for ...

I need to make some parcels today and I fancy listening to music. Should I use rapping paper? http://mybook.to/CuthbertDeathValley

In Dublin's fair city Where the girls are so pretty There sat the redhead reading Cuthbert alone. She had more on her barrow Blocking ...

Cuthbert is climbing - (Death's Valley) new book is number 25 on Amazon - fiction satire - yay!

It's been so long since anyone gave me a lift  that I set off walking in front of the car holding  a red flag.  http://mybook.to...

The Shed Man and The Redhead Hello my little chickadees Patrick the Shed Man and Paula the Redhead invited me down to their gaff to d...

A visitor to my door asked "Have you seen  the light?" Being a bit grumpy I replied "For  goodness sake man If you've...

A bicycle is the acoustic version of a motorbike. http://mybook.to/CuthbertDeathValley

Christianity only spread slowly due to  idleness, if people had re-tweeted the  process  would have gone viral. 

When you come to a crossroad in life, don't take out the map or consult the Sat-Nav simply turn to the nearest redhead and ask where to ...

Death Valley is now on Amazon and it is the fourth in the Cuthbert series. An inspection of Cuthbert's graveyard causes him to check his...

After visiting a highly qualified friend I decided to put MY degrees on the wall. The thermometer looks great. http://mybook.to/CuthbertD...

Started shredding my wedding certificate to use as confetti for my next attempt at marriage.

I read a book on the history of daggers yesterday but I remain sceptical. It's just a load of old knives tales. http://mybook.to/Cuth...

Did you realise that Greek cathedrals are supported by columns and patriarchs? http://mybook.to/Cuthbert2

My time is so valuable that I even charge myself for looking in a mirror.

The whole idea of the Cuthbert series is to make you laugh, we all meet some strange characters in our lives and the one's I have met ar...

I really spoil my wife, I even shave her husband every day.

Actually if I adder snake I would wear a feather boa to protect my neck and hope that no-one grasses me up before Cameron calls a meeting of...

So, I was asked what I would do if a snake  was loose in MY house. "Never happen" I  replied, " It  would see the 'Be...

My Boa-Constrictor is missing but the new scarf the redhead bought me is lovely. http://mybook.to/Cuthbert2

That's it folks, I have put my foot down and demanded that the redhead allows me an opinion. After long negotiations I have been allowed...

I have to think outside the box because it's always full of polystyrene packaging chips.

Keeping up with technology is hard. When I joined my kids pages and they said "WTF Dad?" I thought it meant 'Welcome To Facebo...

The battlefield injuries of Richard III have been analysed and it has been decide that he is in fact dead. If only he had shared his copy of...

I tried to set a ring-tone on my new smart phone but when it saw the size of my contacts list all I get is a sniggering sound. http://myb...

Why is it that every time the redhead enters the room I hear the theme from Rocky? http://mybook.to/Cuthbert2

Why does the Navy allow sub-tweets, aren't they a security risk? http://mybook.to/Cuthbert1